| What does that even mean? |
[Jun. 18th, 2008|03:40 am] |
Watching YouTube video "The Notebook (Far Away)"
Look up at the time... should be sleeping.
3:33 a.m.
God, you've got the strangest sense of humor. |
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| I Thought I Wouldn't Come Back |
[Nov. 18th, 2007|06:24 pm] |
I hate being miserable, and I hate hurting so much. I really hate Sundays, because I always feel this way for some reason. Today is especially bad, but I don't know why. Oh wait... Megan. Right.
Sometimes, I hate people, a lot. At a party last night, I felt like every girl there was talking about an ex-boyfriend and how they're so into them still, but the guy is a huge asshole and all this junk. It makes me sick to think that guys do that to really sweet girls, because I would give anything for Megan to feel that way about me.. only I wouldn't be the asshole, but like a badass guy to her.
I think a lot about how quickly I could be happy. I've been in a hole for the past seven months unhappy. There are moments where I'm not miserable, but I haven't been genuinely happy since everything went down in April. If she called me over Thanksgiving just to see what I was doing, or wanted to hang out, I think I would be the happiest man on earth, and probably in the history of the world. I'll always have hope.
...worst vent ever. |
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| There She Goes |
[Oct. 14th, 2007|10:42 pm] |
i listened to ivory tonight. when he hit the keyboards, it immediately brought me back to summer before i left for college. with windsor drive and jill, and why im here... megan.
i've been doing a heckuva lot better than i was at the beginning of the year. something just snapped in me, and i stopped caring, and i stopped hurting. it's great!
but then i get some nights like these where i start thinking about her. i mean i have lynlee right now, and that's no doubt been the most help, but i dunno.. i still always end up going back to megan. im weird. and im high.
the end |
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| I'm Due For A Miracle |
[Sep. 30th, 2007|11:22 pm] |
i hate my life right now... i wish i had stability, i wish wasn't obsessed, i wish i didn't have such a dangerous caring for one person.. i wish megan didn't change into what she has become. maybe she always was this way, but i was just blinded by her love. who knows...
i can't wait to fly home on friday. i just want to hug my mom and see my dad and my brothers. honestly, they have always been my stability. i think being so far away from the people who love you most is what is hardest about all this.
i dont want to fall in love ever again.. its happen twice, and i end up giving so much devotion to one person, then when it ends, i crumble. im so sick of dying on the inside. one thing that kills me the most now is listening to songs from the summer or in may. the acoustic version of 'three cheers for five years' came on today when i had my itunes on shuffle. the moment i heard the song start, my gut just clenched and i thought i was going to throw up, because that song just reminds me when megan was with jacob right after we broke up. i hate all of this...
i just need something more... i guess i've come to terms that megan and i wont work out, but there is still something in me that is dying.
i think about suicide all of the time. i would never do it in a million years, but it always crosses my mind, after i have tried everything i can to get over all of this. i gave myself a deadline. on october 21st, it will be six months since everything ended. i hope im over all this soon, because it's taking its toll on me physically and emotionally. please god, save me... |
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| I Hope I Can Move On |
[Sep. 27th, 2007|11:16 am] |
last night was pretty much one of the worst nights of my life. i dont need to write this down, because this is something i want to forget.
if it's meant to be, then god will get me through this. |
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thestartover's journal